Narrow Road To The North

Tuesday 11.45 PM

Peter got himself a large measure of Glenfiddich from behind the bar. It had been a hectic night in The Nanny Goat, excellent for midweek. He flopped down in one of the punters armchairs aching with exhaustion and relief that his night's work was done. He looked around the lounge bar of his pub, a well worn dartboard to his right , the triangles of the numbers '20' , '5' and '1' bursting out of the wire frame from years of pointed attack. Some strange mathematics on the chalkboard alongside. Further left a notice board advertising social events, quiz night Monday , dominoes match Wednesday, darts match Thursday and " Bloody Karaoke Friday " ........Peter shuddered and knocked his whisky back.

Then a wall dedicated to the regulars, photographs of many special events, birthdays , stag and hen nights, wakes, too many Christmases and New Year's. Assorted notes and messages containing in-jokes and friendly libels against locals from down the years. Thank you cards for kindnesses done by patrons, and by Pete and wife Jackie, who was late home again tonight. Another visit to the optics.
Peter loved this room, even when empty he felt it retained the warmth generated by people showing the better side of their nature's in the spirit of sociability and companionship. He also felt lost and tangled in the churning wheel of the days and weeks mapped out in so many others calendars and for which he was supposed to be the hub.He'd heard those in-jokes more than a time too many.Twelve years in one place, eight of them as landlord had begun to feel like too big a portion of his life.

It was two years ago he had heard a song on the radio called ' North ' sung by Elvis Costello ;
" North ...... A place where dreams and life can start/ Who cares what people know ? Let me go ........ North ...... "
Somehow that's when the seed was planted or more accurately perhaps watered, anyway that's when he became first aware that he had a dream , that took root in his mind and began to emerge into the light so very slowly.


Wednesday 12:15 am

The cloud over Peter and Jackie's marriage, which eventually became a solar eclipse, first appeared at 10:45 on the 4th June 1999, the time of his appointment for a vasectomy operation.
Peter's third drink was accompanied by the various sounds of Jackie's arrival home, the key in the door and the fall of her feet up the stairs, he listened closely to the sound of her ascent up the 13 steps and tried to calculate her mood from this flimsiest of information. His assessment done, he found himself so sorely tempted by thoughts of the road of his dreams. The unrelenting roll of his present days and the ever-dimming light of his own imagination in recent years came into view in an instant and scared him witless, so his mind fled to the path he would soon walk and brought him temporary peace. The road led the way to oxygen and the place where he might grow.

Wednesday 12:30 am ( Memory of a place in sentences of 27 syllables )

Peter remembered a cottage in Southern France, a gathering of friends and laughing like it would never end. Three cassette tapes, twenty hits of Johnny Cash, Joni Mitchell's 'Blue' and 'The Greatest of The Brilliant Things'. Long late summer days picking grapes and longer nights full of life and hope around the solid oak kitchen table. Half of those at the table spoke a different language to Peter, still there was communication and more. Feeling loved just for being himself, and the morning Kate said she loved the way he laughed, then choosing not to kiss. That was the best kiss he never had, another whisky, a memory of shoplifting in the village store.

Wednesday 1:05 am

Peter went to the cupboard below the stairs and collected a large holdall bag which he'd partly packed with items of clothing on Tuesday afternoon. He then walked up the thirteen steps missing out numbers 3 , 8 and 11. Looked in at Jackie sleeping and wondered whether her face in repose told him what he thought he knew and he reached some sort of a conclusion. From the bedroom dressing table he picked up two photographs of Paul and Suzie their son and daughter, his hand lingered above one of Jackie and himself and passed over it to pick up his passport from his private drawer the one Jackie used to take a peek into, but no longer did. He picked up a flight ticket and 3 CD's ; The best of Johnny Cash, Joni Mitchell's 'Blue' and 'The Brilliant Things' Greatest Hits.

Wednesday 5:00 am

Peter went into Paul's bedroom and kissed the air about his face, walked into Suzie's bedroom and kissed the air about her face too. As he walked out of Suzie's room he was aware of the sound of his footsteps and tried to interpret what they said and he reached another sort of conclusion. The moon was still visible as he made his way down the stairs and looked out of the landing window from the ninth step. He made his way out of his home through the lounge bar of his tiny world, walked out of the front door and took in a street-full of fresh air.