Prodigal Sons and Daughters

This rough take on a familiar tale may have a feint brush of topicality now that The Euro's 2012 are almost upon us.


Brian Clough was holding court in Heaven's Anecdotal Suite, the " HOUSE FULL " signs splashed over the promotional posters which decorated the doors and windows outside. It had been like this since Mr. Clough took up celestial residence a few years ago, some days God could only see him by appointment...

Cloughie continued :

Alex was very proud of his two boys David and Wayne. He had coached them well and they worked hard with the talents given them to be the best they could possibly be.

One day David went to see Alex, " I am no longer fulfilled working here for you, I need to go out and prove myself to the world."

Alex felt a sudden boot of sorrow deep in his gut and a tearing ache in his heart. Long fearing that this day might come, he steeled himself so David might not guess of his pain and merely said, " Remember the lessons i've taught you well son, and dictate a letter home to me every day now won't you."
David nodded sheepishly, a little taken aback by how easily the meeting had went.
Clutching the glowing reference Alex had written for him , David shimmied off into the sunshine, the flash bulbs and the strobe lights.

Wayne would miss David and was sad to see him go , though he had to admit to feeling some envy too. David had the looks to make women and men scream, Wayne just made them cry. And although neither had been blessed with great intelligence, for God had put his best work into their feet, David was lauded for his public utterances while Wayne could only manage a few Scouser grunts.

David landed in mainland Europe and for a time he lit up the whole continent, then with little warning the light spluttered out. Trouble was he'd given his best years to Alex and his body was no longer capable of the feats of youth.

In a desperate move David announced that he was going to conquer the New World. Back in Manchester a smirk passed over Wayne's face and Alex's left eyebrow raised a full 3/4 of an inch.

When David arrived in America he soon realised that they had no love for the trade he once plied so well, nor did they speak his language, not many people did. So he threw himself into trying to make his wife Vicky happy and spent millions on various surgeries, voice implantation, 'please be more interesting' injections, anti-shallow treatments and many more.

Before long David's fortune was spent and there was no alternative but for him to return home to Alex and Manchester.

Alex alerted to David's intentions by reports in the press had a limousine sent to the airport to pick up David and family.

Sitting in the back of the limo David had a warm feeling inside as he glimpsed familiar sights and faces, tinged with guilt and regret for ever having forsaken Alex. As the limo neared the stadium Alex was stood at the gates smiling and David's heart sang. Alex and David embraced and time stood still whilst Vicky generously posed for the paparazzi. Alex beckoned them into the great banqueting hall for the most lavish feast , he'd pulled out all the stops, he had been to Waitrose and everything.

Wayne who'd just finished training, covered in mud and sweat peered through the smoked glass window at the idyllic family scene within and his heart was filled with rage and hatred,
Alex seeing Wayne out in the cold beckoned him inside.

" What's wrong son are you not overjoyed to see David ?"
" I cannot say that I am Alex, why are you treating him like a king when he forsook you and left me to carry such a burden, day in, day out I slave for you and never do you show me this sort of love."
" Well it's like this Wayne son, tuck into your fish fingers now won't you, this is a sort of a farewell meal for the two of you. Truth is i've had enough of your moping round here for years with a face like a slapped arse and i've had more than enough of you too David. Since you left I can hardly turn around without seeing your face plastered over the telly or the papers like you're Mother Theresa, The Pope and Pele all rolled into one. You can clear off the pair of ya........See you two had natural talent and worked hard and became successful, anybody can do that, now Victoria here - not an ounce of discernible talent in her body , no as yet , discovered ability for anything, yet she's made it to the very pinnacle.... of something or other ......... now that's genius. "

The next day a national newspaper ran the following exclusive headline.

"Posh the New Boss - Says Fergie !"

Cloughie rose from the chaise longue " ' Vendi Video Vicky' - as they say in the Champions League, goodnight ladies and gentlemen."